Emo of the Red Red Rose

Kit vs The Silver Scream!

2009-11-17T00:56:12Z

Hello all my adoring long suffering friends, (yes that is a compliment!)

I have branched out, you can now see my face while I rant and maybe I'll update more than I do on here.

Maybe.

Anyways, youtube of the kit if you so wish to check it out.

Kitangelwings Maddness on film

I ask that should I die and leave this world that someone burn/destroy/detonate the bloopers reals!

Hehehe

Many *hugs* and best wishes to you all.

In Other Late Night News.

2009-11-16T03:19:39Z

I made my back ground on my lj.

Go creativity and customization. See Positive. :D

Copyrighting my NotDudes.

There are examples of these on my deviantart page.
Careless-kit Deviant Art

Personal Statement: views, ideas, notes, comments?

2009-11-14T16:04:08Z

For the last fifteen years the art scene has fascinated me. I remember seeing the works of Charles Rennie Macintosh and marvelling at the simple natural functionality of his designs. I was in awe of the beauty created by an understanding of form. It was my first exposure to a world that I had to be a part of. It was what led me to include art in my everyday life. Whether this might be choosing a throw rug to accentuate the sofa or considering the photographs that will record the theatrical and fantasy make up I apply to my friends, art is a major part of my life.

It is my intent to enrol for a Degree in fine arts with the objective of progressing through to Honours. I see this as the best way for me to progress towards professionally creating art. I feel that you offer the right combination of space, environment and support to aid my development. I enjoy all aspects of art, from researching other artists to doing historical exploration of the use of media to the final creation of the piece. It’s this fascination with the artistic process that has encouraged me to further my knowledge of the art world.

Six years ago I suffered a life-altering incident that has left me with a disability that affects my social and working skills. Despite this I have kept my work to a level that exceeds the majority of my peers both in timeliness and quality. Balancing this with the desire to lead a normal life means that I have to be very determined. I cannot tolerate letting a disability interfere with my goals. I like to keep a strong work ethic and keep myself and my classmates motivated. I am known to offer advice to others and help them to learn new skills. I find that as a student it is more effective to open yourself to helping others as it helps you to understand the coursework better while providing a much more interactive learning experience for all. As extra curricular activities I have worked as a volunteer with Charity events and worked as part of the St.Andrews University’s Students Union Association marketing and design team and been involved in the Pittenweem arts festival. I have learnt to work with a team, to a brief, on a strict timescale. I have learnt how to communicate effectively and efficiently with stakeholders both verbally and in writing. I have also completed a number of freelance commissions. Through these I learnt how to involve the clients in the production and reassure them that the work would meet their requirements.

My artistic interests can be broken down into three main areas; Illustration, Painting and Design. Illustration in my opinion has the ability to communicate beyond written and spoken word. It needs no translation between languages and emotionally enables all those who come in contact with it. Painting gives added life to objects and conveys emotion better than any other medium. Design is how my interests in these areas manifest in a practical manner.I like to take an ordinary concept and redefine its execution. This could be by using a familiar object in a new and innovative way, creating something new from scratch, or embellishing the old and giving it flair.. By having a practical object at the end of the exercise I get a sense of added value because I know that the work will be seen more often and that it will add something to a person's life on a regular basis.

This statement outlines my current interests within art. However, just as art is organic, my interests continue to evolve with all that I learn. While I have seen only a few of the effects of the great artists I know that it is through continual study that my own works can look forward to continuing development.

*** Editing.

thank you to all those darling people who have helped me.

Quoting

2009-11-13T16:40:37Z

"The search for excellence inspires me as I see in it the ability to communicated beyond written and spoken word. It needs no translation between languages and enables all those who come in contact with it."
A quote from my dad.

Personal Statement

2009-11-13T13:07:39Z

PANTS PANTS PANTS PANTS....

Accept me because I am awesome!

Accept me or I shall burn your university to the ground.

Accept me and I will do great things.

Accept me because I have devoted my life's work to getting into your stupid elitist establishment.

Accept me as I am prepared to work my fingers to the bone, literally.

Accept me because I will perform filacio on your entire staff.

Accept me because I am the exact type of student you want!

I hate personal statements. I suck at writing them. What is right, what is wrong and what will muff your chances completely?
Too cocky, not cocky enough, too subtle, too impersonal, too 'out there' and too lost in space.

There is one true statement in this world: I Katie-Helen Roberts am not a writer.

Thoughtful....

2009-09-25T04:47:58Z

So, I'm pro and con listing... and finding it hard to know exactly what I want.
Found two flats I'm going to look at next week. Both exceptionally cheap and big.

Living alone scares and thrills me, I'll have to check regularly with people and manage the old falling over stuff. Could get someone to live with me eventually though. Probably after I start freaking out about the first seizure alone. Completely alone. Daunting. Maybe I'll crawl around the flat? Really want the gas hob in one of the places I'm looking at but is that really sensible? I can make tempura again! I can also just maybe blow myself plus half a street to kingdom-come. There's something funny about that.

Less being a hermit too!

Needing to think about what to say to him tomorrow night, although I'll probably be so exhausted that "hi ZZzzZzzzZz" happens.
MUST talk about stuff. Bad, good and ugly.

There is going to be much upset and bad. I wonder if I'll chicken out again. I do have a habit of being completely spineless. Facts of life though is that I need moneys. I need security and I need a non-ache head.

I need time to find me again, to be me and to feel like me.

*if a certain sister see this I've already talked to mum. I know living alone is dangerous. No, keeping my darling, lovely and awesome niece and nephew wouldn't help :P and Yes! I am considering flying lessons. I'll be fine.

**Comical thought: For my Funeral all must where colours, NO black, it's banned. I'd like two burlesque dancers too. To partially quote a good friend "Oh, the deep sadness! But the boobies! Oh, the saddness! Boobies, sadness, boobies, sad." Celebrate the life people! Anyone for conga?**

Service postponed.

2009-09-19T02:05:24Z

The Kit service will be down for a short while.
Please contact your local supervisor for assistance.

We are sorry for any inconvenience this may cause you.

Thank you and have a good day!

Virtual Reality Nightmare + Rant.

2009-09-11T09:48:12Z

I've just woken up. I tore myself from my bed and ran through to the spare room to see if my Dad was there and sure enough there he was sleeping soundly until this panicked child came tearing through.

I'd had a nightmare, a nasty one.

The things that lurk within the depths of my subconscious to create this mess.
In the dream I was a virtual reality gamer, an escapist and a fool. I'd created a character who was everything I'd want to be. Slender, sexy, smart, dominating and a winner. She kicked butt. She had a full life in the dream. Family, friends and pets - with very "pleasant" personalities. As a virtual reality player in this game you had complete design freedom in the world. You are god. Everything was amazing no lying, murder, war, famine, pestilence or dividing factors. There was death (no immortality here) and life wasn't 100% perfect. It had it's beautiful faults. It's was nice.

After a while of playing I involved some friends and my Dad. I helped each of them create characters and set up their lives and join the world. It was all working so well. Dad became my friend in character and we spent lots of time chatting and sharing in game life facts, cheats and talk about developing the environment. (Dad can code far better than me.) It all began to twist when Dad seemed to slip into the virtual reality and loose track of 'out of character' time.

I'd noticed a lie told to me by my in character partner, which threw me so I used my out of character self to track down the truth. (I think I never learned that with truth comes a price.) I found my answer and a series of ills that had been done to make life begin to sink into the V.R setup. Slowly letting a game take root in the mind. Recording over your out of character life. I pulled the plug at that point.

I pulled out of the V.R and had gone straight to unhook Dad. As I got him free, he didn't recognize me. He could no longer remember himself. All he could remember was the character he played. Before I threw myself out of the bed, I'd broken down in the dream realizing I couldn't pull him out of the character and he was gone.

------------------------------------- In coming Rant ---------------------------------------------------------

I think that I'm very happy with my out of control life bring on random, spontaneity and not facing facts.

So some things are upsetting me right now. I have been lied to and I feel that some people could understand or care more. (People referred to don't read LJ) I do a lot to help others, yet, I'm always the whipped for it. One good does not owe you a good one in turn. It seems more 95 times in 100 you'll get a punch in the mouth. People are ugly on the inside it's human nature and that statement reflected upon me yeah I'm only human. Twisted with misery.

Maybe I'll abduct an author.

Also governmental bastards!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Normal Kit service will resume as normal after one cup of tea and a hug from her dad. Sorry for any inconvenience and thank you for baring with us.

- The Kit Management.

Calming down again.

2009-08-31T11:04:47Z

Okay so it's been about an hour.

I've spoken to my very loving parents and I'm calming again.
I'll be okay. Please excuse my panicking.

*tired*

:)

Living Life

2009-08-31T09:47:49Z

Okay, so I'm on my own for two days. I can't phone any one or text due to having no mins/texts.
This morning I had a seizure, just outside the bath... I don't want to be alone anymore.

I'm desperately trying to find someone to come over and just make the I'm totally alone panic go away.

I've got to get something sorted for the time while Dean is working. It's been almost a month since I contacted social help.

Quoting my father 2009

2009-08-13T03:13:18Z

What is the one thing you can have, give away and never loose?

It's a smile. :)

*hugs*

Let the Cryptic Unfold into a Stream of Calm. Talking Helps.

2009-08-12T17:06:59Z

Yeah, I can see him working out his emotions in his writing. It's timid and flowing like thought. Less random thought than mine.

I used LJ to rant like a mofo about anything and everything. There is a massive strain of pain and rage. Like his. Everyone has thoughts and feelings that course in contrive and difficult ways. It's human nature and better out that in.

Soo much better out.

Diaries should be spillage of mental process. I shouldn't panic quite as much when I find something like that. Had it been a friend I'd have called them to talk. It's just when so many emotions are concerned it got convoluted.

See, when I'm calm, I'm okay. When I'm shocked or scared I panic. I showed the classic signs of the human emotional processes.

Still was pretty damn scary! *breaths* I think I want chinese food. :D

The kit has resumed normal service now and we apologize for any inconvenience, thank you.

Slow there Horsey - Time to think about this - Panic clearing

2009-08-12T14:55:28Z

I have put the dreaded incident from my mind and I am thinking.

I have text Dean.

I don't want to loose him. I am in love with him.

Time to talk. Time to let him explain before I go blue bloody mental. I trust him enough that if I just talk to him all will be okay.

So I'll get dressed, take a walk and talk.

He'll be ending work around 5.

Calm.

Thoughts: Art Minded and Working Hard.

2009-08-12T04:35:39Z

I'm up far too late again. My sleeping is terrible, but I'm happily in Fife. I've been ill again (what's new there?).

It all looks too good again. Or maybe I'm completely cool. I think I can handle it all.
What's not to handle? It's all a matter of thinking and planning and sticking to the action.

I've spent a lot of my time at my parents cleaning and sorting the house out.
I have a plan that will work to solve that household.
As for me, I can cope even alone, I can.

Remember to talk to me about anything you think about me and I will give you the answer.

I am a good person.

:P

Deviously Deviant Arty

2009-07-13T16:28:57Z

Older Shadow Woman Portrait by =careless-kit on deviant ART

Devious Journal Entry - Some of the artwork I've been doing.

2009-07-13T16:02:13Z

Visit http://careless-kit.deviantart.com/

Selhelena's Fate Card by *careless-kit on deviant ART

Still tired.

2009-07-05T23:31:29Z

I am supposed to be working to get myself healthy but I'm struggling.
I realize I need support to get going otherwise my motivation is short lived.
Each day I waste I loose hope, faith and will.
I do not react to 'tough love' it just depresses me more.
My depression is high right now and I'm suffering.
I am self restrained.

I don't want to be an attention seeker, but I need help.

I hope my doctor can help. I'm going to ask tomorrow.

Tired kitten, I just want to sleep.

To be in the buff or to not buff.

2009-07-05T01:26:12Z

Okay, I have a qualm. I am thinking of taking a few nights as a life model but should I do this will I be marred for life as the girl who takes her clothes off for a living or as someone confident enough to get their socks off and pose?

I am so racked with indecision that I'm asking you my friends to help, what would you think?

It's £9 an hour for probably 3-4 hours a sitting should the artist like me. Also I would be arranging that I could do topless poses first and all work should be tasteful i.e no up the end of nowhere poses! I refuse to do erotica and yes, I've classified to myself only what this means for others it can be different.

So, opinions?

Still tired.

2009-07-01T00:50:15Z

There is no need to worry about the Kit.

I am fine. Okay. Cool. Chillin, Swinging etc.

A few sleeping issues but nothing that can't be fixed, give it time.

We apologize for any inconvenience and normal service will be up and running as soon as possible.

*Hugs*

Very very tired kitty.

2009-06-10T09:39:46Z

Wow.

I see that everyone seems to be coming down with terrible aliments. This isn't good people. I normally manage to catch the LJ light showing and read up on how well every one is doing and thus be giving of great "happy" hugs but now all I can do is pass out many many *hugs of Healing* so that you are all happy and healthy again soon.

People are welcome to poke me and thus receive extra virtual hugs (still don't have a good enough immune system to take up a career as Florence Nightingale) and chatter? I think this is the long way of saying "I'm sorry you ill/upset and I wish I could make it all better."

In other news: I am not much more than a bum right now. Double-teamed by Doctor and Physiologist I am not to work or go for college like things for a while. The body part of this mind, body and soul trio isn't keeping up the beats and thus it is to rest and recover. Treatment of the seizures has taken an interesting turn where by there is no medical professional in Lothian NHS there to help right now and won't be for a while. So my now departed (as in left the country) Physiologist has sent a letter to try and get some help, involving a possible trip to the Pain Clinic. Yay! I'm actually hoping they can help me deal with the pain and therefore avoid a few of the 'fainting' seizures. "Pain tolerance is not pushing till it breaks"?

Dieting is happening, safely and with exercise. I am being supported by Dean and many friends teaming up to go for walks aka kit-walkies. All without a lead. I finally found the Swan 'pond' in Inverleith park! Pretty and scary, up to two meter wing spanned angels. I like walking, nice way to view the world.

Artwork, has died on it's ass. There is no real inspiration in this shell. Nothing new has really been created only millions of plans that die shortly after the graphite settles.

Reading Neil Gaiman American Gods and Wolfsong by Enid Richmonte. (For two books I just can't put down I seem to have totally missed laid them at this second in time.) I've missed reading. It's great to let the imagination take over. I've also observed that I'm hideously bias to the more negative or romantic interpretations of prose. This is a monstrous thing when it comes to discussing books or analyzing texts.

Most of this will probably read as a stream of conscious-ness ish or there about I'm tired.

There was an update today!

*Kit*

AND to all of you feeling bad/poorly/sad/hungry/un-happy *hugs of healing*, *hugs of hope*, *hugs of nom*, *hugs of happy* but most of all *HUGS* take care and I love you guys.

Jeaze this is a depressing...

2009-05-13T01:02:57Z

Wow, no one ever told me how depressing this live journal is. Oh, wait, yeah that's life.

Anyways, updates:

Still with Dean, Still living in Edinburgh with afore mentioned Deano and still living.
Dean wants us to emigrate to Canada because the U.K Government suck. Kudos Stalinism.
I think no matter where we go the problems will still be there i.e idiots running the world.
- "Everywhere you go you always take the weather with you" -

I'm feeling better after almost two month of daily seizures, some days containing two episodes.
Just been told I'm not allowed to do Jury Service on medical grounds too.
Not really leaving the house all that much. Rather nervous right now of being 'alone' out there.

However, positively wanting to get out and active this summer.
Things to do people to meet etc. It's time to relax- ? - again.

Happy in small steps most containing the weird and furry.

:)

Back to ask for some help - please.

2009-03-06T13:43:41Z

Hi Everyone,

I have to ask for some help from you all. I'm currently building a case for to get a slightly higher rate of D.L.A (Disability Living Allowance) to make life just a little easier and to afford a couple of days with a carer here and there. You know that any journey on my own is a risky business. With a higher rate, I can get a C1+ bus pass which would allow me to have someone travel with me without incurring costs to them or me.

I know that this is a rather cheeky way to ask for help, but I really need to make the point in this case of what life is like for me on a daily basis and the help I require. Each of you have seen various aspects of the seizures I suffer and the after effects even the substantial impact upon the person I used to be.

I'm asking for you to give me a short letter at most a couple of paragraphs on anything you've seen about me during/around a seizure. I need to point out the effects the seizures have on me and for it to be stressed. This includes the fact of how this can be a danger to myself and others due to the uncertainty of when and where and the number of occurrences. This is why I need your descriptions and your signature and name (and contact address).

These letters are to be taken into a tribunal and shown as statements of proof of the effect of the seizures. They are to help prove that these really are a disability and that they really do have an effect upon me.

Any of you who can send me one of these, know that it's incredibly appreciated! It takes a lot to ask you for these but I have to get more help to make life a little better.

I fully understand if you do not want to do this and I apologize for asking this way but it's the easiest way to reach the greatest number and I need numbers. I hope that this will not cause you any distress.

A million times thank you to all of you, I hope that it shows that you are all my friends and that I'm not just trying to scrounge help out of you. If you need me in return then message, text and I'll do my best (as best I can realistically manage).

Thank you, for taking the time to read this,

Take Care all,

Katie-Helen Roberts,

*Kit*

(For those who remember the last time round, sorry to ask again, it's more important this time round. Thank you many times again! *hugs*)

EDIT** ACK! I've been told that I'm going to need these letters via post or hard copy with signatures otherwise they won't stand up. I'm really sorry to change this on you guys. So so sorry but can I have them hard copies where possible? Or signed printed e-mails? Just means I'm going to have to see some of you in person, which I'd love, I like seeing my friends :D

Sorry again.... hundreds of thank yous!

Fucked

2008-12-16T14:29:11Z

Now I have to pay back my benefit.

I don't want to be here anymore... I'm so scared.

The Ever Positive Kit

2008-12-11T12:45:38Z

This morning I was as low as I could be. Tonight, I'm back!

So, the government will give me nothing. Screw them. I'm not completely mentally broken, it's only seizures, it's time to use what I still have and find someone to employ me. This could take a while, but I have to try. Also full time college course come March as that's more money and a qualification in the right step.

I have to keep going and when I'm being as supported as I can be. It's all good. You never know till you've been to the edge.

I can make this work.

How do I get on the disabled register? and do seizures really qualify? I need to find out as this little thing stops companies from screwing me over. There is a back to work initiative in edinburgh that helps by getting people like me into work.

Time to be a thinking.

However - I'm still bricking it but at least I'm loved and my to be husband hasn't run a mile instead he's supporting me - something new to me. Normally people go freaky and run. Wow a real relationship... I'm happy yet depressed.

Sleeping on it.

2008-12-11T08:03:28Z

So, today I go and see what I can do to get through the next little while.

I've to go talk to the people about sorting money.

I'm such a happy bunny right now I can barely contain it. No seriously.

(Yeah, well sarcasm never works in text.)